While many people view passivity as a negative trait, and maybe rightly so, the Midwest is one place where passivity is still very real and observable. This is not to say that we don’t stand up for our values, or act when it’s merited. What it means is that we, broadly speaking, are not going out of our way to involve ourselves in conflict or to draw attention to ourselves.
Take for example a small fender bender incident. Sure, in the car most of us are going to be upset – but, when we get out of the car and talk to the other driver, the first thing is going to hear is likely to be “are you ok?” and it’ll more often than not be accompanied by an almost unreasonably calm demeanor. You can observe this phenomenon in any parking lot. I had the experience recently. I had met a friend for a few drinks in his small town. As we were leaving and wrapping up in the parking lot with our standard “Midwest goodbye,” an older woman backed out of her spot, and hit another vehicle.
It was getting late, and we decided to wait with the woman who was pretty worked up and struggling with what to do. A few moments later, the owner of the car came out, and understandably was upset. My friend and I pulled our phones out, turned the flashlights on so everyone could see the damage, and it was a few scratches, nothing that wouldn’t have buffed out. The two exchanged information and then carried on a brief conversation not even tangentially related to the situation at hand. There was no cursing, or yelling. Frustration? Sure. Animosity? Not a whiff of it.
This is what we mean when people talk about the Midwest being passive. We’re a calm, even keeled folk, broadly speaking. The people here won’t seek to make a scene about things. Even at protests and such, the people driving by will maybe give a thumbs up, or a smile, and a honk here or there. Truth be told, you’re lucky if you get a honk in a college town for a “you honk; we drink” sign. Now, to be fair, we will get in faces about our families and close friends. But by and large, we are a quiet people who will avoid drawing attention or causing a scene. It’s not, at least in my experience, common to even see fights break out, even amongst some of the more rowdy college crowds. I could be mistaken on that point when it comes to major league sports, and I’m willing to be wrong.
The people of the Midwest lead relatively quiet lives. We go to work, do our job, come home, and be with our families in generally quiet homes and neighborhoods. Sure, every family has fights and it would be naïve to think otherwise. The difference here is that we won’t try to ‘ambush’ someone the moment they walk through the door. We are slow into conflict, often because we want to take the time to hear the other person out if they have wronged us. We don’t generally take the attack when it comes to interpersonal conflict. “I statements” are a pretty common thing that you’ll hear; “I feel…” “I think…” or maybe the dreaded “oh, that’s different.”
But you get the idea. This has, I believe, a lot to do with our shared German heritage, and the old-world Prussian value of restraint. Over the years, it’s not hard to imagine that this slowly transformed into the passive, almost lackadaisical attitude that is seen in the Midwest. This region is not one in which average, well-adjusted people will readily, or even reticently, start a fight or an argument. If disagreements do come up, many will just shrug it off, and carry on. But this should not imply the idea that we are just go along to get along.
The Midwesterner will defend his ideas, but he isn’t likely to just go do so out of the blue. It typically comes from a place of being “forced” to, a situation or issue that animates the Amerikaner to act. We are certainly a people of strong convictions. What is right is right, end of subject. But we aren’t going to cause a stir about it unnecessarily.
We tend towards passivity, not because we are apathetic, but because we value those around us, and the relationships that we have built with them. Many people in our region will readily assert that they’ll put relationships over ideas in most cases.
This is what is meant in saying that the Midwesterner is passive.
I like these self evaluations of the Midwestern white man and his way of being. While if I told you the state I grew up in you’d instantly picture a decrepit city with suburban sprawl, in fact I grew up in the foothills of the Appalachian’s in a town with a farm on every road, and although I’m sure it’s pronounced in the Midwest, I think it’s important to note that this kind of passive calm cooperative nature is prevalent amongst most rural whites. Anyway it’s an interesting discussion to have and I enjoy these little glimpses into the Midwest keep them coming!
My family took a vacation to Hawaii for my bro’s wedding and one of my uncles while there told me, “try to keep a low profile”. That always stuck with me.
Great stuff, Thorsten.
Imagine a fender bender in New York City. What do you picture? Even if it happened between two white people, I picture two angry people jumping out of their cars, with no concern for the traffic they are blocking, and immediately screaming and cursing, both blaming the other. As someone who has been involved in a fender bender in the Midwest, I can attest that the first exchange of words was literally, “Are you ok?”
In urban areas on the east coast you’re absolutely correct. Rural areas I’ve experienced the complete opposite. In fact I had a breakdown the other day in the pouring rain, every single car stopped to ask if I was ok and needed help. One guy even parked his truck with his hazards on down the road and helped me with traffic cause it was a bad spot. My only point was the helpful cooperative spirit does in fact live on amongst whites in other places and it’s nice to hear the Midwest has that in abundance.
And that exchange of words happened after we had both respectfully pulled in to the nearest parking lot so we would not be holding up other drivers on the road.