A Case for Shutting the F*** Up

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_{This article was submitted to amerikaner.org by AnonyMrs. If you would like to submit your own content, please email amerikanercontributions@proton.me}

If you are with a person long enough, you will end up in an “I told you so” situation. There are varying degrees of situation from “I knew we should have called ahead for a table” to “I told you to get the car fixed before it broke down on the turnpike.”

These situations generally arise when life throws a stressful situation your way. In particularly difficult situation, you can usually throw in some guilt or fear for good measure. “I told you so” becomes both a deflection of blame and a surrendering of personal responsibility.

For instance, you have packed four kids into the car, all tired and hungry, and drove to the restaurant only to be told there is an hour wait. The kids are antsy; everyone is a little hangry and “I told you we should have called ahead” just slips out.

In zero instances is this attitude the best way to handle…anything.

“But I did tell him” you say, “and I was right again” you say.

When you feel compelled to say “I told you so” or it’s variations “I knew that…” or “we should have done…” first Shut The F*** Up.

Having trouble keeping your lips sealed tight? Put something in your mouth (like gum you animals) or take a breath. Take a step away from the situation if you need to.

But if you are the type who needs to say something, ask yourself (quietly):

• Am I sure that your my way would have been a better outcome or is this a case where hindsight is 20/20?
• Am I right every time we disagree? 
• Will saying something now fix the problem or can it wait until later?

Now, if you are right every time and he is wrong every time then why on earth did you marry him? I know you married a good man and you know you married a good man so no, you are not always right when you butt heads.

And if you are dating, the same applies. If he is wrong every time, then why are you dating him? If you do not respect a man, cut ties and find one that you do. You will never “I told you so” him into doing things your way every time.

We are all wrong sometimes. Unless you are the Oracle at Delphi, you cannot know beforehand that your plan is the optimal one. It is only obvious in hindsight that one way works better. If you want to be treated with grace and forgiveness when you are wrong, you start by giving grace and forgiveness when someone else is wrong.

And a stressful situation is never the time to figure out who is wrong. It isn’t the time to keep score and it is certainly going to lead to more frustration on everyone’s part. So what is more important: being right or being a good partner in a happy relationship?

Now that you have rolled all that around in your head and paused to take some nice deeps breaths, can you STFU and work together to fix the issue at hand?