Contributed by American Viking, as heard on Episode 5 of Achtung! Amerikaner
So you and your fashy bros wanna go innawoods for a weekend trip in the country God himself gave to the white man fomuir his pleasure and protection, but you don’t know where to start? Well look no further. I got you fam. The following text will provide you with the knowledge and equipment to get you started on the skills that will provide white brotherhood building, 2nd kind of fun having, /k/ tier badass shit that you want to have. So pop open a fresh onions milk, put on a John Denver record, and send your girlfriend’s mutt baby into the basement cage where it belongs, cause it’s time to get learnt faggot.
Part 1: Physical Conditioning
(You Are A Fat Piece Of Shit)
You are going to skim over this part, And you will pay for it later. Know that when the shin splints set in and your hips, feet, and muscles are screaming and you are ten miles from the end and you have to suffer through it or die in the woods like a bitch, I will be laughing at you.
Pro Tier: This is how the U.S. Military trains for ruck marches. Do this.
Mid Tier: Now if that cuts into your Nintendo Switch time too much but you still wanna feel like you are doing something, add more lunges and squats into your workout regimen, which you should be doing already. Don’t skip leg day. Don’t skip leg day. Don’t skip leg day.
Shit Tier: Go play Pokémon Go. Actually go outside and walk around to play it.
Part 2: Gear
(You Are A Poorfag)
This is the part you are probably going to read because you don’t even know where to begin researching gear. Knowns, known unknowns, and unknown unknowns. So I am going to bless your pathetic smol brain with some knowledge and experience.
This is a good starting point. It’s not God’s holy word, so if you disagree with any gear on this list you can write your own fucking guide (which you won’t because you are a lazy cunt) and not fucking email me about how this piece is better or this one is cheaper and just as good. I don’t fucking care. This list is for people just starting out who want to buy decent gear that will work well and won’t break their bank account. That way if you hate this sport of men and adventurers you won’t have spent too much
money on it and will feel less guilt as it molds in the basement next to your other dreams you gave up on.
I am gonna split this up into five parts. Basic gear, shelter, clothing, food and water, and other gear.
Backpack
A backpack is naturally the first thing you think of to buy. So here you go. Get this one.
I chose this one because it is a damn good pack at a damn good price. It works. It’s not the lightest. It’s not the fanciest. But it will do you good. There is a reason it is a top seller. It even comes with a built in backpack cover. If you are a LARPer and want to go milsurp, don’t. Military rucks are not made for this purpose. They don’t carry weight on the hips well. If you find one that does, good for you. Don’t email me about it.
Make sure you adjust the suspension system to your height. This ruck has an adjustable suspension system.
Boots
You need boots. Good boots. Hiking boots. Not work boots. You need ankle support and good grip. There are many options. You could spend $300 on a pair of Danner boots, but that is fucking expensive. Luckily for you I found these.
Now you are probably saying:
“Holy shit, Viking, $40 boots? No way these are any good!”
You would be wrong. I wear these boots. My friends wear these boots. These are good boots. And the price kicks ass. They have a vibram sole. It’s unmarked but sure as fuck it is. They have a side zipper. Shit, they even come with a free pair of socks. Break em in, get em tight.
Shelter
This is the most important section. Don’t cheap out on this stuff. You will regret it. Good rest is what makes backpacking enjoyable. Be comfy.
Sleeping Bag
Get an MSS (Military Sleeping System). It is a four piece sleeping bag. Two sleeping bags, one for 30° F, and -10° F, one goretex bivy cover, and a compression sack. With this bad mother fucker you can put it all together, jump in a snowbank, and be comfier than a pig in shit. Make sure you find one in new unissued condition. It costs more but you are guaranteed to get a good one.
These can be tough to find, but this link should work for you.
Sleeping Pad
No, you can’t sleep cowboy style. The ground will suck that warmth right out of you and make your hips and shoulders hurt and you will be a pissy bitch who needs a snickers. So buy this bad boy right here. Insulated interior keeps you snuggly, baffles keep your body off the ground even if you are fat or tall and sleep on your side.
Now take your bivy cover, put your sleeping pad inside, then put your sleeping bag configuration, covered later, on the pad, inside the bivy, snap it all together and you are ready to go.
Tent
You have options here. You could go with a ultralight backpacking tent. You could go with just a tarp. Or you could go with only the mss/sleeping pad set up. That is up to you.
Here is a tent. It weighs 3 lbs so maybe you don’t want to carry that but you still want to have extra coverage. So how about a tarp?
Run some paracord between two trees or poles and boom you have a raincover. Add a few stakes into the bag and you are set to go. Make sure to pick the size you think is best. I have the largest size because I am a Viking God the size of a Primarch and need extra space.
Clothing
I’m not gonna give you a list of clothes to buy. That’s too much damn work. And you will probably not look as good as I do in them, so I won’t bother. So here is a handy infographic to help you pick out what you need.
Wicking. Warm. Waterproof. Wick sweat away to keep you dry, warm layers to trap heat, and waterproof to protect you from the elements.
And for fucks sake get good socks. Ones that keep your feet cool and dry and provide good cushion for your feet. You should be able to find these on your own. If not get these. And a hat. Get two hats. A baseball cap for sun, and a watch cap for warmth.
Dress in layers. Find light clothes that work together. Natural fibers stay warm when wet but are heavy. Synthetic fibers are light but don’t stay warm when wet. Find what works for you.
Personally I bring: 2x underwear, 2x socks, 1x t-shirt, 1x thermal bottom, 1x pair of pants, 1x under armour long sleeve top, 1x wool shirt, 1x baseball cap, 1x knit cap, and a pair of sunglasses.
Also, bring a pair of gloves. These are great if you need to scramble over rocks and trees or other tough terrain where you need your hands to move. Mechanix style work gloves or tactical gloves work great. They will also be an added layer to keep you warm if needed.
Clothes are heavy and take up space. You are gonna stink anyway so don’t bother bringing a change of clothes. Bring clothes that can layer up or be worn separately if you need to dry other things.
Food And Water
If you want to do easy mode just buy MREs. But you gotta field strip them down to a manageable size. Even after field stripping they are still heave due to water content. The current US Military A Menu MRE are pretty good.
I prefer to use freeze dried meals made for backpacking like mountain house brand meals. These need water and a stove to heat up but they taste better than MRE food and are much lighter. If you are gonna go with this, or anything that needs to be cooked, you will need one of these. Don’t forget to buy fuel for the stove.
Or you can just bring beef jerky, cured sausage, trail mix, individually wrapped cheese, cliff bars. Get creative. You’re an adult. You can figure it out.
Water
You need water. You need it to live, you should know this. But how much water? Here is the answer: 3.5 liters. About 2.5 to drink throughout the day and 1 liter for making food.
That’s a good starting spot. You will be safe if you bring this much. Different people will have different needs, but you can start here and not die of thirst.
Carrying water requires containers. If you wanna go cheap just get some bottled water from the store. If you want something more convenient for drinking on the move get one of these.
Don’t buy a cheap one. Get the camelbak mil spec. If your bladder fails innawoods your ass is gonna be wet. Trust me, I have been there. It sucks. Guess what, that teton sport backpack you just bought has a hydration bladder sleeve and loops for the tube. Damn, aren’t I thoughtful.
Advice on camelback bladders. Warm up your water before you put it in your backpack. Your body temperature plus cold water will create condensation and you will lose water and get your
gear wet.
Then, get a canteen. This is for your cooking/camp water.
Now that you have containers to carry water, you need to fill them. Raw water in the wild is not safe to drink. Fish fuck, animals piss, and feminists free bleed all over that shit. So you need to clean it so you don’t catch the gay drinking bear smegma leftover from the last grizzly standard fuck party. So buy this guy.
With this handy little contraption you and your boyfriends can all piss into a hole (to make some mud), stick this bad boy into that mud and make clean safe water. Or you could just find a nice little stream and use it there.
Point is, flowing water is better closest to the spring. But with this guy you can use whatever water you find. Make sure to clean it after use. Take care of your equipment and your equipment will take care of you.
Other Gear
Here’s some other stuff you’ll need.
Medical Kit
This is a piece of kit that is easy to over pack for. While comforting to have every conceivable injury covered, it is probably not necessary to have tourniquets, chest seals, blood clotter, and other trauma kit supplies. You do however need supplies tailored for your area of operations.
Learn how to treat blisters. Blister prevention is very important, and treating them after they happen is the most common medical situation you will encounter.
You will also encounter joint and muscle pain. So bring ibuprofen, tylenol, and sodium naproxen for inflammation and general pain. And finally, small cuts will happen so bring bandaids like the video says.
Toiletries
Holy shit, bring toilet paper. Put it in a plastic bag to keep it dry.
Hand sanitizer, to clean the poop and piss off of your grubby dick beaters. Bring some soap. You probably won’t get to shower. But you may have to clean a cut or human waste if your outdoor pooping technique is lacking, so have some.
Toothbrush and toothpaste, if you can’t stand dirty teeth. Deodorant, if you are a really stinky bastard and don’t want to be an embarrassment. But you probably Don’t need it. A good strong body odor will scare off THOTs and homosexuals. A Trad 3D-Waifu, however, will be overcome with desire by the testosterone fueled pheromones you put off when exerting your manly strength, because your a goddamn Sexual Tyrannosaurus.
Knife
Get a good knife. It doesn’t have to be huge, but it should be quality. This is a tool not a weapon. You will use it for everything. I got one of these. I like it. But you can get whatever. Just make sure it holds a good edge.
Navigation
Bring your smartphone. Bring a battery pack to recharge it. You don’t have to have it on all the time, but it will be there when you need it. Have it in a good case like an otterbox or something.
This is the cheapest gps system you can get because you probably already own it. Google Maps will get you where you need to go and find other things for you. Modern Age Tech blah, blah, blah, Anarcho-Primitive whatever. It’s a good tool, plus it can save your ass if you get in trouble and need to call some real white men to get you home.
I once hiked through a tornado devastated patch of woods and had to use a compass and Google Maps to find the trail again. The damn trail was on Google Maps! They might be ZOG, but the product is useful.
Have a Compass, know how to use it. You don’t have to have this one, even though it is nice, but you should have something like this.
Paper Maps are something good to have as a backup. If you are on a trail, you can usually print out maps of your trail from the internet. If you are going in the back country off trail, then you definitely need a good map.
Fire And Illumination
I only bring one light. It’s a headlamp kinda like this. Should cover all your light needs. If it goes down you’ve got your Obama Phone.
Get some bic lighters. Have flint and steel if you want. But lighters work good and are cheap, and with enough practice you can light a fire with wet cunt hair and a bad attitude.
Odds And Ends
There are several other minor things you might need. Bug spray. Sun screen. Bring a few bandannas, they are cheap and useful. Carabiners are another multi-functional useful accessory.
I bring electrical tape with me – handy stuff to have. A bug net is handy for when you are being assaulted by bugs. Get one that goes over your head and covers your face, like these.
A sewing kit. Pop open that danish butter cookie tin and get some needle and thread. If you break a strap you need to be able to fix it.
Also, a microfiber towel. This is a multi-function tool. But its primary purpose is to wipe down your tent each morning so that it can go into your pack dry. Buy the medium size.
Don’t forget to always bring a towel.
Group Tools
There are some things that not everyone in your group needs to have one of. These are generally heavier and can be shared among the group. For your campfire, you’ll want two hand saws and one hatchet. And you’ll need a shovel, for making holes for human waste or digging fire pits.
Final Thoughts
Extra waterproofing is a good idea. Get a few bottles of this shit right here. Spray your pack, your boots, your MSS bivy cover, anything that could be exposed to water. Seal that shit up.
When packing all of this good stuff into your ruck, remember these rules: heavy stuff near the bottom, and close to the back. Usually that’s your sleeping system then your food.
Other than that, add or subtract gear as you see fit. But your bag should weigh between 30 and 40 pounds fully loaded.
Part 3: Planning A Trip
(If You Fail To Plan, You Plan To Fail)
Now that you have gear and a basic understanding of how to use it, it is time to plan a trip. It is important to make detailed plans beforehand so you know what gear to bring and your logistics and reservations can be made.
Having a detailed plan removes guesswork and allows you to enjoy your trip more knowing that plans are in place. Here I will outline how to plan a trip.
Where Are You Going?
You gotta find a trail to hike. Alltrails is a great app for finding places to hike. Know how far you want to hike per day. About 8 to 12 miles a day is a good place to start for most people. Research places to camp and places to park. Make your reservations, but to do that you need to know…
When Are You Going?
Time of year is important. Personally, in my part of the world I like spring and fall. Low bugs and nice temps. I like between 50° and 65° F for high temp and 40° and 50° for the lows. It’s comfortable. Not too hot and not too cold. Pick what you like and go then.
Think About Supplies
How many meals do you need? Where can you refill your water? If you are going for longer trips, where can you resupply?
Take Notes
Contact numbers for reservations, google maps links, any information relevant to your trip. Make a document with all this info so it is easily available. Here is a sample trip plan I made:
OCTOBER 2018 ICE AGE TRAIL HIKE
Area of Operations: Northern Kettle Moraine State Forest
Online Trail Map: https://www.iceagetrail.org/trail-maps-guidebooks/
Weather: Average Conditions are High 60s, Low 70s.
Day 1: Call Mauthe Lake Campground and confirm car locations. Depending on amount of people we will need minimum two vehicles. Arriving at Milwaukee River Trailhead at 0700. Dropping off hikers. Two vehicles will drive to Old Plank Road Trailhead.
One vehicle will return to Milwaukee River Trailhead with drivers and then the hike will begin at 0800. Pick up trail at the intersection of Highway H and Oak Drive outside of Kewaskum. Hike from there to Mauthe Lake Campground (check in at station), site 550, roughly 9 miles. Spend night at campground.
Day 2: Hike from Mauthe Lake Site 550 to Shelter #4, 11 Miles. Spend night at Shelter #4.
Day 3: Hike from Shelter #4 to Highway 23, 8 Miles, taking a left for a short distance on Old Plank Road Trail, arriving at the Old Plank Road Trailhead. Drivers will return to Milwaukee River Trailhead. Pick up other vehicles, then return to pick up hikers.
This plan has all your info on it. It doesn’t need to be exhaustive, but it should give you solid information that you can pass to all the hikers in your group.
Epilogue
That should cover most of the basics. Experience will teach you more. Practice the skills and you will be ready to go innawoods with confidence like a true /k/ommando.
If you want more reading check out the book, “The Complete Walker” by Colin Fletcher.
If you think I missed something in this guide and you want to contribute some knowledge, and you are not a retard or an asshole, you can email me at americanviking88@protonmail.com. Feel free to spread this guide among your goys or host it on our databases or websites. Just
make sure to keep my name on it so I can get feedback to make this guide better.
And feel free to send me guides written by you. Let’s start a database of knowledge for our guys to teach the white man’s juche to the men in this movement.
Editors Note: My personal thanks to Viking for submitting this guide. I look forward to putting it to use as I explore the natural landscapes of my native land.